The fear of losing sucks
A friend once told me,
her dad prepared her for departures.
But I think its totally rubbish
How can one be prepared?
and how prepared can one be, many things in life, you are caught off guard.
at the same time, it's tiring to be on your toes all the time.

seriously...you are not going to live well if anything happens.
dont even think of trying me.

Somehow, I think of wai po almost everyday.
The scenes at the hospital,
where she was so determined to die.
where she lay sleeping so soundly just came back.
Today, I dreamt of mom,
lying beside wai po
I was rather traumatised.
That was probably the reason why today was a bad day.

planning to visit wai po.alone.
i still miss her alot.
I still cant cope with losses.
remember there was a ball that dropped into the drain and i insisted mom to pick it up for me though it was deep down.
I cried badly as mom wasnt able to 'rescue it'
I was about 11 that time.such a small ball could cause such big impact,
how about a person.

this is how lousy i can get.